Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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