Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i out mim tonsoeep
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
