If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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