Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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