Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
