I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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