i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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