i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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