Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
