my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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