But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
