FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
