Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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