Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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