I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
