he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
