If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
