im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
