You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
