I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found the puke drawer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
