This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
