MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
