just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Say something about gay babies.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
