Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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