I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
