so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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