i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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