My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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