dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
