I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
