i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
