I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
being pregnant is like rehab
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
