I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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