Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
