remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
