Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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