And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
