i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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