im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
