I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
