You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she smelled like a LAN party
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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