Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
