I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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