so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
