You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
