sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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