Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
