I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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