Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
