I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
