im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
