You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
