everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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