i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
