Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
