Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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