grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
