i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
