I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
