mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
