Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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