Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
