I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
